ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - draft
Our first screenplay lacked a lot of detail for example we didn't mention what type of jeans Olivia is wearing or what size the candy bowl is.
we also had the wrong format which made things a little confusing when reading it.
NEW SCRIPT:
SCRIPT FEEDBACK P2:
- Weird dialogue
- She’s frantic, hysterical
- She says “help let me in”
- Falls and grasps at Emma
- Desperateness has to be conveyed
- Talking over Emma, struggling to be understood
- Too much dialogue, more body language
- Wouldn’t give clear words
- Reframe how OLIVIA appears
- Emmas annoyed at banging while on the phone
- Crazy kids, not 70 year old though
- Aggressive way of getting to the door, then shock
- Concerned Emma, to shock audiences
- Emma checks from side to side before closing the door
- Locking the door (lock in + lock out)
- Spider web symbols, I acc fuck with that ADD PROP
- Blanket ADD PROP
- Coffee/Tea for cold ADD PROP
- SOUND SOUND SOUND
- Coffee may sound harsher (like screams)
- Scream overlay with coffee
- Living room means seperation
- Knife was in the pumpkin, no longer is during title sequence
- Comes back in to tell EMMA that she’s going home
- (OLIVIA picks up a weapon like object)
- Candle holder ADD PROP
- Blow out candle SYMBOL
- Why not call police, dialogue
- EMMA already called the police
- EMMA is soft
- Play with focus
- Realistic human interaction
- Denotation in screenplay
POST- ROUGH CUT SCREENPLAY:
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